Love

I have never been a touchy feely person. Whenever I see someone I never run up and hug them. I am not one to show major PDA or even cuddle. I am not sure why but it has never been in me. I am very stand offish and this sometimes comes across that I am not nice or too good for someone. Throughout my years it never really mattered to me. Most people thought I was stuck up and it shows in the amount of friends I have from high school and college. I was very selfish and just not interested in loving my neighbors. Then came Bill and the boys. They began to show me that it is okay to hug. It is okay to say I love a million times a day and at any point in the day. It is ok to say I love you EVERY time you get off the phone. This was completely foreign to me. Sometimes when I lay the boys down for bed and we pray, I get up and head back to my room when a little voice says, "Mom, you forgot to give me a hug." I think it is amazing that I am still reminded of this from my six year old. So young and innocent and FULL of love.

Currently, Kiernan is not interested in a hug or cuddle. I try to grab him and pull him in and he always arches his back. I am desperately trying to show the love to him. It is something I am still not good at but I must try. Sometimes I get so busy with the hustle and bussel of life that I forget just to sit in a chair and watch cartoons with Gavin. And how surprised I am when Roy comes over and leans on me (this is his way of hugging). I should have no troubles grabbing them everyday and hugging them and showering them with kisses. Because honestly, I owe it to them for showing me how to love.

I have a list that I am trying to complete called the 100 things to help your marriage. I try to pick one thing a day to show Bill that I love him. Yes, I have to use a list.... I am just not a natural. But I am trying and I can see the expressions on his face when I can check something off my list. The face of complete shock that I just did that. Why shock? Because I guess I just don't do these things regularly. I want people around me to feel the love from me. I want the boys to know they can jump in my lap anytime they choose. Because I know God's intentions for me. I know he wants me to be Christ-like and display the fruits of the spirit daily. LOVE.... something that seems so easy for most can be so hard for others.